Ever feel like you’re just pretending to be an adult, but deep down, you’re a bit lost? Sure, you’re doing all the right things. Work, relationships, keeping up with life. Though it still feels like you’re winging it most days. Like there’s a part of you that hasn’t quite caught up.
A lot of this comes from how we were raised. Your parents did their best, but they might not have given you everything you needed emotionally. These emotional gaps become more evident and prominent as we grow up. That’s where reparenting comes in. In short, you step in and give yourself the care, love, and guidance you may have missed out on growing up. This process can help you feel more balanced, confident, and like a "real adult". An adult connected with all their different shades.
What is Reparenting, Really?
Imagine your internal dialogue bouncing between all the rules, dos and don’ts coming from your internal Parent and the genuine, free and curious inner Child being constantly restrained by said rules. And you are there as a grown up (Adult) looking at this dynamic as a spectator. How is that inner Child going to feel? Constantly smothered with some help at arm reach that’s just enjoying the show. How many wounds, doubts and unmet needs is that Child carrying?
Reparenting means letting your Adult self out of the spectator role and getting into the play. Take over the Parent role and replace the smothering with some nurturing for your inner Child. Establish a dynamic not driven so much by rules, but validating your inner Child’s emotions. Use your Adult judgement to help them regulate their emotions and not suppress them. That is the starting point to channel your stress and stuckness into something new.
How Does Reparenting Boost Your Self-Confidence?
Here’s the thing: when we feel off, whether it’s stress, low confidence, or feeling like we’re not good enough, it’s often because that younger version of ourselves is hurting. Maybe you’re feeling anxious at work, or like you’ll never be good enough in your relationships. That’s likely your inner child reacting from a place of fear or uncertainty. And without the right support, that part of you keeps running the show, pulling you into old patterns of self-doubt and criticism.
Reparenting is about stepping in with your wiser, adult self and saying, “I’ve got you. You’re safe now”. By doing this, you create a more balanced, self-confident version of yourself that can handle life’s ups and downs with less anxiety and more self-assurance.
How Does Reparenting Work?
So how do you actually do this “reparenting” thing? It’s simpler than you think, and you can start with these key steps:
Notice When You’re Being Hard on Yourself We all have that inner voice that can be pretty harsh, whether it’s criticising how we look, doubting our abilities, or replaying mistakes over and over. This is often a reflection of how we were treated or how we learned to cope growing up. The first step in reparenting is to catch that voice when it gets loud.
Change the Story Instead of letting that inner critic take over, start talking to yourself like a supportive friend. What would you say to a child who’s struggling or feeling scared? You’d probably offer reassurance, kindness, and patience. Start offering that same support to yourself. It may feel weird at first, but it’s a game-changer.
Meet Your Own Needs Sometimes, the reason you feel off is that your inner child isn’t getting what they need, whether it’s emotional support, boundaries, or even just permission to take a break. Take some time to check in with yourself: Are you pushing too hard? Do you need to rest or set better boundaries at work or in relationships? Reparenting is about stepping in and giving yourself what you need, just like a loving parent would.
Deal with Old Wounds We all carry around stuff from our past that impacts how we feel about ourselves today. Maybe it’s something a teacher said, or a way you were treated by your parents, but that stuff sticks. Reparenting helps you heal those old wounds by offering yourself the care you might not have received back then. It’s about forgiving yourself, being gentle, and letting go of the past’s grip on your present.
Practice Self-Compassion Over time, as you practise reparenting, you’ll notice something pretty amazing—you stop being so hard on yourself. That critical voice gets quieter, and instead, you start to feel more confident, capable, and secure. It’s like building a foundation of self-compassion that supports you through life’s challenges.
See the Ripple Effect in Your Relationships: When you start reparenting yourself, it doesn’t just change how you feel inside, it changes how you interact with others, too. You’ll notice you set healthy boundaries, stop relying on others to meet emotional needs that you’re now meeting for yourself, and communicate more clearly.
Putting It into Practice
So how do you actually use this in real life? Start small. The next time you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or like you’re not enough, take a pause. Notice what’s going on inside. Is that inner critic running the show? Is your inner child feeling scared or unsupported? Then, shift your internal dialogue. Speak to yourself with kindness and compassion. Remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes, and that you’re doing your best.
As you practise this, you’ll start to notice a shift. Instead of feeling stuck or anxious, you’ll feel more in control and more at peace with yourself. Over time, reparenting builds the self-confidence and inner strength that you need to face life’s challenges with grace.
It’s A Marathon, Not A Sprint
I want to leave you with a warning note. Always keep in mind that reparenting isn’t a one off exercise that you do and you are done. I know it isn’t for me at least. I catch my internal parent and wounded child coming up literally every day. Any time I can’t relax properly because “I am supposed to get something done”, or any time I shy away from a conversation because “It’s out of place to express how I feel”, I can see my adult self getting back in their spectator seat.
“Why can’t I relax? I can easily get that thing done later”, or “Why shouldn’t I express myself? I’m not harming anyone, I am simply raising my point. What’s wrong with that?". These are the little shifts that my adult self is perfectly able to make when I can manage to get back into the play.
Be kind with yourself. You will fall back into your old habits many times along the process, and that’s fine. Allow yourself to make mistakes. That is what an adult would do.
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